Land of the Cwispy

No doubt you will read this.
But i did once consider you a friend, a good friend in fact. But i guess that changed.
It was an odd conversation, all the sarcasm you produced was quite strange. But i guess that’s normal for someone who has been offended by someone’s point of view.
My reasoning behind what i said in the post is different to what i really said to you, mainly because of the way you was acting.
We both wanted to know something. And yet i gave you bits of information, you gave me none. And to think this stemed from you removing me without reason and changing our group we was in to ‘You changed’.
All i wanted was to know the TRUTH behind why you removed me, then i couldn’t care less on what you did next. Reasoning behind something so i understand if I’ve done something wrong is important.
But no, you decided to be sarcastic and childish. Why? I don’t know. Maybe that’s just who you are.

You’ve now made your decision and so have i.
It was nice knowing you. But i guess that’s no more.

This post is from a private and secret blog, im posting it here as i feel it needs to be said rather than kept.



=====================================





Its got me thinking really, have i really changed?
I cant tell, or i haven’t really looked at it, because i never felt the need to.
But now when i think about it i guess i have. I’ve changed in the way i talk to people, I’m more open with my personality and everything else. I’m trying hard to fight anxiety and doing so I’ve had to change.
But that wont stop me thinking was it for the best. and it will nag at me for ages now. Was it for the best though?

Then again, maybe your just saying that because your loosing your grip on me. I’m moving and involving with other people, and you can’t control me no more.
I’m always blind because i want to see the best in people, i give chances out because i have hope that one day you might be nice to someone. But i guess now i know that’s not true. Yes i was blind because of this, and now i realize that what i saw was a facade, a lie.

But it was not me that made the decision to remove me. It was you, you took the step because you was scared. I can understand that, but what is there to be scared of. Maybe its the fact that now you can’t control or predict me anymore, and you can see i will fight back.

(Source: cursim, via littlemissmorbid)

Mother Love -Queen

I’ve missed something.
You randomly remove me without saying a word.
you’ve changed the main group i was in two say
Ive Changed…Why?

I need an explantion, i will  be asking tomorrow, we both have exams so they is a chance i will be seeing you. I would like to know.

The Killers -Human

Im on the edge…of it all

i can feel my anger rising and still is. Nothing is changing and it grows stronger each day, an i try harder each day to mask it, hidden from view by my basic traits.
Its not nice knowing each day today may be the day i get angry, that i may destroy the foundation ive worked hard to create for myself.
I’ve tried to allow myself to escape from it, im always looking for an outlet but there is none i can find. Poems dont work because i cant write anymore. and i cant talk to anyone because….Well yeah.

I didnt know how true that statement is, ive lost so much in my computer death.
From 2010…from as my life changed, when i became social. All of it lost.
its quite distressing, ive lost my thoughts for that time. In other words ive lost my diary.
But i guess its what i needed, for too long i’ve looked at my past as a hiderence and something that defined me, that in a way protected me. With this i can sorta let go of it all.
Fresh start, a new start. A clean wipe, ready to start again.

Its sorta there now, i can feel it pulling me in….its the end of it all isn’t it?
I’m starting to look back now, and even though its been somewhat of a crazy roller coaster…it was my roller coaster, its defined me of who i am right now.

Maybe this is slightly preemptive but i can already see it was a fantastic time, i met some of the most amazing and somewhat crazy people. All of them are awesome in there little way.
And whats odd….there is only one thing i would change. How much time i had off (due to many things going wrong) Why?
Because now i know in a few months we are all going to be set sailing. We are all going to be blown away to the far reaches of the globe. And some of us may never see each other again… Slightly upsetting.

But something odd comes out of this feeling…a feeling of defiance.
Every Part of my soul/body or whatever you want to call it, wants to make sure i don’t loose the friends i’ve made, i know ill make new ones…. But the ones i got now i also want to keep, because they are they ones with the memories.
I never want to loose friends, each one is special to me.

I know at the end of this era new opportunities wait… i can feel it beckoning me in. Already things feel different for me, in every single way. So at the end of this wonderful era for us all…the future looks bright, if not a little daunting and a bit scruffy round the edges.

T. S. Eliot